Simple is Better: How DO We Move on in Grief?

I have moved so many times in my life. Too many to count. Every time I move, I am reminded how much work moving is.

At the beginning of the moving process, I have such great optimism. I will finally sort through everything and only move the things that I love and really want to have in my life. I will get rid of the things I don’t need to keep moving.

As the moving date gets closer, reality sets in. I lack the time to really sort through everything like I wanted. Yes, I made progress. Sometimes, even great progress. As the hours of the moving truck’s arrival count down, a few things always get shoved into a box because I didn’t have time to go through them.

It’s just how it is.

As I unpack, I have another internal struggle. I pull something out of a box and wonder, “Why did I think it was absolutely necessary to move this? Why did I hold onto this?” There probably was a reason it got packed. Maybe, I wasn’t ready to let it go. Yet.

Grief operates in our lives much the same way. We take baby steps and move on from the excruciating pain. There is a little progress. But then something happens. A smell. An event. A memory comes back. While we want to move on – and have – we’re not ready to let go of all our feelings and emotions. We want to hang onto them a little longer.

This is where a middle ground of grief is so important. A place where things become more bearable and suffering is a little duller. While we discover moments of joy and happiness, the damaged parts of our lives still exist. We still hurt. We wonder if we will ever get over our loss.

Truth? Some things won’t be fixed on this side of heaven. Yet, we can learn to carry them. We can discover a tension of disappointment with the hope of tomorrow that keeps us going. This middle ground of grief reminds us that counting blessings is important. Our imperfect lives need moments where we peak over the edge of the pit we have crawled out of so we can find gratitude. Even though the pain may never fully go away, we can cling to the hope of “maybe.” Maybe we can find joy. Maybe we can move forward. Maybe we can experience a deeper understanding of love and peace.

When we discover our pain and suffering is rooted in the deep love we have, we allow ourselves to become curious. Curious about what lies ahead. Curious how we use the new information about ourselves and life. Curious how experiencing love through the lens of struggle can create a deeper impact in our lives.

Moving on means letting go of things from our previous life. We will never return to our old “normal.” This is okay. Our new normal may not need everything we had. It may want new things. It is willing to accept God’s compassion, especially when we lack compassion for ourselves.

Think about the situation in your life that is troubling you right now. Is there something that you could leave behind? Something you could take out of your box of life and let it be somewhere else?

You are not the same person as before. Allow yourself to be different. To look at the world through a new lens. To discover new things about yourself, God and your relationship with God. This is what moving on looks like. It’s okay to move on. May we discover the hope of tomorrow is still there for us. It’s ours to seize.

Blessings –

Dianne

For more about letting go, check out Chapter 18 of Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief.