Simple is Better – Real-Life Grief Moments

Psalm 119:28 – I am weary from grief; strengthen me through your word.

Has this ever happened to you? You seemingly are having a good day. Maybe even a great day. But then something happens. A smell. A memory. A thought. An event. A location. And the day turns different. You remember something that makes you sad. Distracts you. Maybe it even causes you to remember pain and hurt.

I call these grief moments. Often, they come out of the blue with little anticipation or expectation. You are happy and feeling good about life. And then, BAM! Life feels too overwhelming.

Sometimes we know the source of hurt and pain. Other times, we so surprised that it happen. It takes a minute to understand exactly what is happening.

Often, this unexpected grief feels silly because we thought we were beyond this stage of grief. But the reality of grief is that it never has a nice, tidy timeline. In grief, we don’t simply progress from one stage of grief to the next. No, grief is a hot mess of all different emotions; sometimes at the same time.

How do we handle these grief moments? First acknowledge them. Say, “Hello! I see you there! Yes, I’m surprised, but I can deal with you.” Simply being aware is an important first step. If we repeatedly try to push it down and hide it, we’re just delaying the potential healing that can come from acknowledging our grief.

Then, take a minute and begin to understand why this grief moment happened. What is behind it? Why now? What situation? Why did this get stirred up? Be honest with yourself. It’s impossible to come to grips with it unless we’re really honest.

Then you get to decide what to do next. The grief doesn’t decide. You do. Do you hit pause and deal with it? Talk to a friend? Find a way to appreciate it without letting it take over your life? It’s totally up to you. But let it be your decision.

And then, follow through with how you want to handle it. Maybe you need space. Maybe you can keep going and all you needed to do was acknowledge it. Maybe it’s an alternative in between. Again, it’s your call about how to handle it. Ignoring it and doing nothing is also a choice that you are making.

These grief moments can come quickly and leave just as fast. Other times, they become more of an event. Again, you get to choose which route is chosen. When you make a choice? Embrace it. Move forward. Refrain from wondering about the wouldas, couldas or shouldas you could have done. Once the decision is made, go forward. It’s easy to get caught up in wondering if you made the right choice. My experience says that for most of us, we made the best decision we could at the moment based on the information that we have. Let this be enough.

Blessings –

Dianne

Holy God – Help me recall and grief moment that popped up in my life and surprised me. Now, help me sort through how this felt, what I experienced, how I handled it. May this recollection give me confidence that I can work through future grief moments. Amen.

Struggling with the hard faith questions in the midst of grief? Check out chapter 2 from  Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief. The chapter is called “When Grief is Real: Honoring and Acknowledging Grief.” Books and other empathy merchandise available at https://www.simplewordsoffaith.com/category/our-store.

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)