Simple is Better – Lessons from Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief Book

Jeremiah 8:18 – My joy is gone, grief is upon me, my heart is sick. 

Soon it will be six months since Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief, a book on dealing with grief, officially became a published book. Often, it’s helpful to purposefully reflect upon one’s work and efforts. It may seem a little strange to do this here, in this space. Please give me a little grace as I celebrate this little bit of me that has become so important to me.

While it’s been six months of official publication, for me, the timeframe has been much longer. The contemplating, outlining, interviewing, writing, rewriting, endless editing and re-editing process took no less than four years. Yes, it was filled with progress, lots of pauses, wondering if this was really my project to pursue, doubt, questioning and so much more. Truth? The questions still linger. Am I a grief expert? Am I qualified? Do I want to be known as a person who speaks comfortably about grief? Is this really what I’m called to do in this season of my life? So many questions. Not always clear answers.

Below are some of my honest reflections about grief, my role in guiding people in grief, why this is an important conversation and how this whole journey continues to be something I will continue to pour energy, time and focus into.

Here are some lessons from my own personal Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief journey.

1. Grief is real and very much a part of our lives. My life and your lives. Grief has a one hundred percent success rate, meaning one percent of human beings experience disappointment and sadness. Maybe you aren’t experiencing it significantly right now. But you have. Or you will.

2. I also know this because nearly every day, someone shares with me how they are experiencing loss, sadness and disappointment. Most people are not very comfortable talking about these areas of their lives so we don’t. Having even one person to share your experience with is super important and valuable. It amazes me how often people experience relief as they share their story. You also share with me other people’s grief experiences and how you want to support them. Please do. They need a tribe whether they know it or not.

3. Grief is so much more than death. Anytime there is loss, there is grief. Grief happens in situations that we consider good, such as a new job, moving, kids moving out. It also happens in challenging times like losing a job or a broken relationship. People are surprised when their perspective about grief shifts. They begin to experience and see how they have experienced grief in a wide range of life experiences.

4. There really is a middle ground of grief where we can hold life’s joy and disappointments at the same time. Giving people permission to seek and find this middle ground is HUGE.

5. I continue to learn so much more about grief nearly daily. I’m learning from you maybe even more than you are learning from me. Each time I share about grief and the book, I learn something new. It encourages me to continue these conversations.

How might you discover more about grief and the journey of loss?

• If you don’t have a copy of the book, pick one up. Or share a copy with a person going through a challenging time right now. You can order on Amazon. If you order through my website, I’ll personalize the book and send it to you.

• If you have read the book, please leave a review! On Amazon and Goodreads. Even just one or two sentences about the book is so very helpful.

• I have a study guide companion for the book! There are questions at the end of each chapter which can be used for a book club or small group study. For more information and reflection questions, grab a free copy of the study guide. Simply click on "Download the Free Study Guide."

• Do you know that I have merchandise related to grief? Cards, prints, inspirational cards. They are all available on my website. I’m happy to ship them to YOU! Check back regularly as I will continue to add some new items.

• Once a month, I offer a free virtual Grief with Grace workshop on the first Tuesday of the month. The next one is Tues., May 5 at 6:30 pm. It’s on ZOOM with this link: https://us06web.zoom.us/j/89824313877?pwd=JF4uo7sST42JlqxoIgQJM3tfUkXfdn.1

  May’s topic: The Pace of Grace. Often, we feel like we’re not moving through grief as quickly as we should. Truth? There is no right pace. We’ll explore how we can discover our own pace of grief.

• In the last six months, I’ve shared grief at 20 different opportunities through workshops, presentations, book signings, book clubs or sharing messages in worship services. I LOVE these opportunities. While reading the book can be helpful, having a conversation with other people is really wonderful. For those who have helped organize such an outing thank you. If you have an idea of how I could share with a group you are familiar with, please reach out to me! Email me at sharingthethreadsofgrief@gmail.com. If you live further away from where I am, road trips are good or let’s explore a virtual event.

I’m not sure that I will ever be fully comfortable being a person who speaks about grief. Yet I am convinced that our culture and society desperately needs words and alternative ways to explore grief. And so, I will continue this journey. Thanks for going with me. I love each of you dearly and feel so fortunate that you are part of my tribe.

Blessings –

Dianne

Loving God – Help me break down the barriers of grief that limit me. Encourage me to find even one or two people who will journey with me when I experience loss and disappointment. Thank you for being present with me always. Amen.

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Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)