Simple Is Better - Gratitude For When the Holidays Are Difficult
Simple Is Better - Gratitude For When the Holidays Are Difficult
While we are told the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, for some people, they aren’t.
There’s empty seats that remind us of someone who used to have a seat at the table and no longer does. Financial challenges can be overwhelming. What if there isn’t enough money for food or presents? And let’s be honest. Sometimes celebrations include people who just make everything more challenging than it should be.
Truth? The holidays can simply be difficult. Challenging. Hard.
Hubby Rick’s eldest son, Nate, died as a result of a snowmobiling accident in January 2000. While it was our first Christmas as a married couple, it was also the first holiday season after Nate died. I was excited to cut a tree together and decorate it. Invite family and friends to our house. Light a candle while singing “Silent Night” during the Christmas Eve service. I was all in.
Hubby Rick was not. One day, he suggested that we simply skip the holidays and go right to January. He was not looking forward to anything holiday-related during this first December after Nate’s death. It was just too much.
His comments led to a more significant conversation. No, we did not have to do all the traditions of the holidays. Yes, we would limit the gatherings we would commit to. No, we couldn’t skip everything but I would keep my expectations low and give Rick as much grace as I could.
Truth? As much as some people love the holidays, for others, they are difficult. Challenging. Disappointing. Just make a person sad.
This is reality. We put so much pressure to try and have “perfect” holidays. We feel it is necessary to post pictures that show how “wonderful” everything was, whether this is true or not. If you have one of those picture-perfect holidays/families/events, bless your heart and soul. This is fantastic!
If your holiday is more of a challenge, I pray that you will hear my words when I say, “It’s okay that the holidays aren’t always fun. They can just be hard.”
I think it is important and helpful to be honest about how we feel about the holidays rather than just trying to skate by until mid-January. Can we give ourselves grace? Lower our expectations? Help others realize that the holidays may not be so holly and jolly?
What I have discovered is the holidays can mean additional layers of grief for people. Rather than simply trying to “get through” them, maybe there’s something we can do in advance to help us be realistic with ourselves and others.
This is why I’m offering a “Handling the Holidays” workshop before the holidays begin. During this online workshop, we’ll explore how we can try and make the holidays more manageable. Less anxious. Honor our grief and feelings while also being aware that other people may not be at the same place we are.
Holidays do not have to be perfect. The first Thanksgiving certainly wasn’t. It happened because the people had experienced so much loss. They wanted to express gratitude for what little they had left. They also wanted to say “thank you” to those who helped them along the way.
The birth of Jesus certainly did not happen the way Mary and Joseph anticipated it would. What is important is that they discovered they could enjoy the beautiful moments of a new baby in a stable with noisy animals and only a manger for a bed.
Let’s gather together on Sun., Nov. 15 at 4 pm Central Time and together discover how we can experience the holidays in a way that honors where we are, whose we are and remind ourselves that we can experience joy even while feeling disappointment and pain.
Blessings –
Dianne
Loving God – May I discover how to be more gracious with myself this holiday season. May I be aware of those around me who are struggling a bit more this year. Help me be realistic about the holidays and how I can appreciate and celebrate while also acknowledging when there is loss in my life. Amen.
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