Simple is Better: It Takes Time
Tears spilled down the woman’s cheeks. As she wiped away them, more rolled out of the corner of her eyes. The grief was so visible. Raw. Spilling out of her in so many ways.
“I miss her so much,” Sue told me. “I don’t know what to do.”
Sue’s story is real. Two months earlier, her 38-year-old daughter experienced death by suicide. Completely caught off guard with her daughter’s death, Sue reached out to me because the grief is life consuming. “No one understands what I’m going through,” she shared. “I’m not sure anyone really cares. People say they will be in touch but no one has.”
My heart broke as I watched this woman, who I had just met, share intimate and personal feelings and emotions. I was acutely aware of her vulnerability in just reaching out to me. We needed to wade through these moments carefully. Thoughtfully. With plenty of space and as much time as necessary. It was not my job to “fix” her grief. My role was to listen. Affirm her feelings. Convey that grief takes time. It’s only been two months.
Grief takes time. This is as real of grief statement as there is. So often, we (and/or others) think we should be able to pick our lives right back up after an intense loss or disappointment. This is not the way life works. When our lives get hijacked, we can’t just “move on.” Nor should we. These are moments when hitting pause and letting ourselves feel all the feels is super important. To let our hearts break and our minds question and our bodies feel all the sadness and pain that are deeply lodged into our very beings.
Carefully, Sue shared some very private thoughts and experiences. Before sharing them, she wondered aloud if I would believe her. I assured her that I would. If these experiences felt real to her, I will honor them. It’s not my place to judge but simply listen. To gently request if she feels like it’s really too much that she will contact me immediately.
Did we talk a lot about God in the moments we were together? Honestly, no. Yet, I know that God’s presence was very much with us. When I felt like I lacked inadequate words to say, I simply listened and waited until I felt inspired by the Holy Spirit to say just a few words. It became a powerful message to me: God was with Sue, with me, with us; even if our conversation said very little about these things.
If you feel God is very far away or not listening to your pleas and prayers, keep asking. Keep looking. Keep requesting for you to know God is there. God is with you especially when God feels very silent. It may take time to know God is there. Let’s be patient long enough to rediscover God’s presence with us. Because grief takes time.
Blessings –
Dianne
Loving God – I am not always patient. I want answers quickly and swiftly and with clarity when too often, I feel silence. Make it true in my heart that I know You are with me, especially in the silence. Allow me and others the time we need to journey through any difficult season of grief I may experience. Amen.
If grief has left you feeling overwhelmed or alone, you’re invited to download a free chapter of Unraveling Together. Sign up to receive the chapter and find gentle encouragement for the journey—one step, and one day, at a time.
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