Simple Is Better - Be Softer with Yourself
I’ve been avoiding going into stores lately. As much as I can. The reason is simple.
I’m not ready to see all the Christmas decorations yet.
You see, I’m still thinking about Halloween and Thanksgiving. Do I have enough treats for the trick-or-treaters tonight? How will our Thanksgiving celebrations look? I can’t seem to think about making a list for Christmas when I haven’t completed the one for Thanksgiving yet.
Yet society is already everything Christmas before we’ve had an opportunity to even taste the Thanksgiving turkey. Expectations feel unrealistic and are driven more by what others say than by how we really feel.
I have been thinking about this more. Does anyone else feel like the world is really, really noisy right now? The instant news cycles, the clamoring for our attention, the pull towards focusing on where we disagree rather than where we can agree . . . it just feels like a lot.
It’s all this noise that I feel has taken a lot of space in my life. It distracts me and pulls me away from good things. I get sucked into it and procrastinate. I become hard on myself for not doing more, better, faster.
Anyone else hard on yourself?
Please raise your hand.
Do you expect more from yourself than anyone else?
Simply nod your head.
Are you your own worst critic? Expectations that only you have of yourself?
Yes, it is OK.
So this is my way of combating all the noise: Be Softer With Myself.
All caps is intentional. I really want to see each word. Embrace each syllable. Challenge myself to not just read or hear the words but live them.
Be Softer With Myself.
It’s generally easier to be gentle with other people than I am with myself. It is easier to overlook others' mistakes than forgiving myself for a silly error. While being our own worst critic can be motivating and encourage us to change for the better, it can also be a heavy load to bear.
Harsh words and attitudes towards ourselves rarely motivate us to do something different or better. Instead, we often devalue ourselves and the unique and special creation that God made us to be. Maybe, this is NOT how God would like us to speak to ourselves.
As I have thought about being softer with myself, it’s not a totally comfortable place to be. White-knuckling my way is getting old. The “try harder” gospel doesn’t really work because it leaves me overwhelmed, exhausted, and numb.
What if we chose to express more self-compassion and self-kindness towards ourselves? Stopped talking so harshly to ourselves? See, it’s okay to be as gentle with ourselves as we are with other people?
Quieting our inner critic and letting ourselves experience the full grace God extends to us is hard. For some, we have spent YEARS speaking poorly to and about ourselves. Changing doesn’t happen overnight. Allowing ourselves to be more kind to the person God created us to be opens us up to a deeper appreciation and experience of the grace and mercy God has already given us.
Unless we go softer towards ourselves, we will not fully experience God’s unconditional love. We’ll miss out on fully loving who we are and how we are wired. We’ll continue to get caught up in what society and others say rather than listening to ourselves and the One who created us.
How does going softer look?
Speak less harshly towards myself.
Be gentler with myself when I make a mistake.
Keep my expectations within a realm of realistic.
Let go of what I can’t control and focus on what I can.
Shut down as much of the outside noise as we can and find ways to fully care for who we are.
We’re coming into the holiday season. Yes, it’s a wonderful time of the year. But it can also be a stressful, harried and complicated time. If someone has experienced loss, disappointment and hurt, these layers get more complicated and challenging.
As I challenge myself to be softer with myself, I will be sharing more about how I’m trying to embrace this. I encourage you to embrace these thoughts for yourself and invite someone who would benefit to follow along as well. Sign up to receive my blogs delivered right into your email by subscribing here:
How we care for ourselves is so important. This is why I’m offering a few opportunities to be softer with yourself. Check out these upcoming events and workshops:
Sun., Nov. 1 – Unraveling Together Grief Workshop, 3-4:30 PM Central Time, in person event at First United Methodist Church – Baraboo, 615 Broadway St., Baraboo, WI. Free and open to the public.
Tues., Nov. 3 – Grief with Grace Monthly Online Workshop, 6:30 – 7:30 PM Central Time. Let’s spend American election night together as we explore, “Stupid Stuff People Say.” 6:30-7:30 PM Central Time. Please scan the QR code or click this link to register for this free online workshop.
Sun., Nov. 15 – Handling the Holidays Online Workshop, 4-5:15 PM Central Time. This special workshop is designed to help us look at the holidays from a realistic and honest perspective. This workshop is especially helpful for anyone going through a particular recent loss. Please scan the QR code or click this link to register for this online workshop.
Sun., Nov. 22 – Handling the Holidays In-Person Workshop, 2-3:15 PM Central Time, Blessings Garden & Gifts, 122 S Walnut St., Reedsburg, WI. This special workshop designed to help us look at the holidays from a realistic and honest perspective. This workshop is especially helpful for anyone going through a particular recent loss. Free and open to the public.
Together, let’s discover how we can be softer with ourselves. Less critical. More gracious. See how allowing yourself to be fully human might even allow you to step into God’s grace and mercy more fully. This does not change overnight. It takes time. Put in the effort. Try softer. And let me know how this feels for you.
Blessings –
Dianne
Almighty God – often, we are our own worse critics. Our expectations are so high. We want everything to be just so. And when it isn’t, we are critical of ourselves. Encourage me to be softer with myself today. This next week. Going forward. And as I do, I pray that I more fully experience God’s love and mercy in my life. Amen.
Comments