Simple is Better – When Praying Is Hard

Romans 8:26 – In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us[a] with inexpressible groanings.

Recently, a person reached out to me with a common challenge. Praying to God feels very difficult. They feel let down and am not sure how to once again feel like they can pray and ask God for anything.

Over a year ago, this person specifically prayed twice for something to happen. The first time it seemed the prayer was answered. But then something happened and the situation became even more unstable. The person prayed a second time. This time, a terribly awful thing happened. Now, they feel totally unconfident in their ability to pray to God.

As the person shared their situation with me, the word “embarrassed” came up. This person feels embarrassed that they have lost confidence in praying to God. As I shared back with this person, I desperately wanted them to know that they have no reason to feel embarrassed. They feel cheated. Let down. Disappointed. It’s okay to state honestly that this is a situation for them.

Have you ever felt this way? That you couldn’t go to God with a specific request because you feel that God has let you down? Truth? Most of us have felt this way at some point in our lives. Honestly, haven’t we all had a prayer that went unanswered or certainly not answered the way we would have liked? While it may help a little to know that others have felt this way, it just feels different when it's your prayer that has been answered. When God has seemingly turned away from you.

Countless times, people have shared with me their truth that they stopped praying after some awful thing happened in their lives. They pleaded with God, maybe even negotiated with God and hoped for a different outcome than what happened. When God seemingly didn’t show up or didn’t provide the desired outcome, they feel God has totally let them down. Why should they stay with God when God let them down?

This is a tricky question to answer. First, I cannot and will not try to answer for God or represent what I think God might say to someone who feels let down. This is not my role. Often, we feel that God “did” something to us when I’m not sure this is how these things go down. I do not believe that God specifically intends for something evil to happen to someone. There’s evil in this world and God does not always choose who experiences a specific evil. There is a lot more randomness in what happens. Yes, I get it. When it happens to you, it feels anything but random. I just don’t think that God yes, “Well, this person needs something awful to happen. This one? Well, not right now. But this person? Oh, yeah.” I just don’t think a fully loving God wills awfulness onto us.

If this is the situation, then why doesn’t God prevent or stop evil from happening? Again, no easy answer to this question either. I think we’re asking the wrong question. Rather than putting all of our energy into this question, I encourage us to focus on how God journeys with us through the hard and difficult times. God does not want us to experience hurt and disappointment alone and promises to be with us.

Even when we’re not sure God is there. When I gave up on God at a time, God was with me, even when it didn’t feel like it.

So, back to the earlier question. What is a person to do when they feel they aren’t able to pray to God because they feel terribly let down?

First, give yourself some grace. It’s okay to feel this way. Just be honest with yourself and God. God will not turn away from you when you aren’t sure you want God around. God will be right there waiting until you feel ready to explore prayer again.

In the meantime, we also have this fantastic promise. When we don’t know how to pray, we are promised that the Holy Spirit knows what is on our hearts and minds and prays on our behalf. Reread that sentence, please. If you can’t pray, it’s okay. The Holy Spirit is praying for you.

This, my friends, is an amazing promise God makes for us. God says it’s okay to struggle with prayer. God expects this. And this is exactly why God has already worked things out so your prayers still said. They are just shared on your behalf by the Holy Spirit.

Wow. This is exactly how much God loves you. And is willing to wait for you. And advocates just for you. Basically, God is telling us to take as long as we need. In the meantime, the Spirit will be praying for us. We can take the time we need to get our hearts and minds back right with God.

Does this mean we completely stop praying? No. I encouraged the person to find simple ways to return to prayer. Grace before a meal. Pray for something easy. What I call low-hanging fruit. You don’t have to trust the big stuff with God right away. Start with easier things that feel more doable. Gratitude for rain, a beautiful rainbow. Assistance from a friend. A received word of encouragement. And in time, as trust is rebuilt, hopefully asking God for other things becomes less daunting.

You can also use the prayers of others when praying for you or a loved one feels difficult. Use a prayer book. Pray the Lord’s Prayer. Sometimes it’s easier to let someone else’s words be our words. There is no shame in this.

I often remind myself and others that God doesn’t move away from us when we are struggling. God may not feel close but God is right there. Sometimes, we just need to adjust our approach to how we look for and observe God. God’s there. Give yourself a chance to seek God.

Blessings –

Dianne

Loving God – Thank you for continuing to love me even when I find it difficult to return this love to You. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for the Holy Spirit’s prayers on my behalf. I need to know if this happens even when I can’t do it myself. Amen.

Struggling with the hard faith questions in the midst of grief? Check out chapter 16 from  Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief. The chapter is called “Are You There God? It’s Me: Connecting Faith with Grief.” Books and other empathy merchandise available at https://www.simplewordsoffaith.com/category/our-store.

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)