Simple is Better: The Book I Didn’t Plan to Write

Writing a book about grief was never on my bucket list.

I don’t consider myself a grief expert. Nor did I want to be one. As a pastor, I wasn’t terribly comfortable talking about grief. I felt unprepared and underqualified and tip-toed around the difficult questions. Left them unanswered because I wasn’t sure what I should say.

Yet, grief has a 100 percent success rate. Everyone experiences sadness and disappointment. It’s as predictable as death and taxes.

When my friend Jo suggested I write a layperson’s book about grief, my initial thought was, “Me? I don’t think so.” Later, Jo and I chatted about this. It was winter. The sun had been down for hours. It was during the COVID-19 pandemic. It seem serendipitous to talk about grief as everyone lived it. “Write a book people can relate to,” she said. A book about what not to say in grief. To remind people that God does not abandon us.

Before fully committing, I read grief books. Explored the grief experiences I had kept sequestered. Had conversations with those who had experienced disappointment and pain. I realized people aren’t comfortable with their painful stories. Who wants to talk about this?

I wondered if I could offer a different grief voice. What would make this book unique? In Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief, I take a 10,000 foot view of grief. It explores grief’s psychological aspects along with some theological thoughts. Through personal stories – others as well as some of my own – I share first-hand experiences of people’s grief journey. Their before and after stories. I do a deep dive into the Stupid Stuff People Say and encourage us to choose our words wisely.

Lately, it has been my great honor to share my grief perspective at workshops, book signings and messages. I have learned there is a missing voice about grief. People need permission to honestly look at their before and after events to discover more about themselves, others, God and their relationships.

I continue to share this message because we heal best when we heal together. I cannot fix anyone’s grief. This is not my goal. My purpose is to grant people permission to not run away from grief but to run into it. To give themselves tools to explore how their story affects their life now.

Many of you have supported this book and I deeply appreciate each this. Today, I share this as a gentle reminder to think of the person struggling right now. Maybe it’s yourself. Maybe it’s someone else. One book will not change everything but I believe knowing people have similar experiences is comforting. It gives us permission to have a meaningful life after we have experienced a terrible loss.

If you have thought of someone who would benefit from a bit of encouragement or you know someone who has struggled with disappointment for years, would a gentle grief guide be helpful? If so, I offer Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief. If you want to take the book for a test drive, download the free chapter.

I continue to seek opportunities to share about grief. If you know a possible an in-person event location, please reach out to me.

There is a missing grief message. This is why I continue to share and explore how disappointment is part of our lives. I think of the people I sat with this week. The woman who lost her 52-year-old husband. The person who needed permission to make a different choice. The loved one who misses her sibling that died by suicide. The man whose child disappointed him. These are real life situations covered with grief. We need safe places to explore how we journey through them. I pray we continue to do this together.

Blessings –

Dianne