Simple Is Better – Marriage Lessons After 26 Years

John 15:9 – (Jesus said,) “As the Father loved me, I too have loved you. Remain in my love.”

Is there such a thing as a golden wedding anniversary?

If so, today, Hubby Rick and I are celebrating our golden wedding anniversary. Today is our 26th wedding anniversary on the 26th of August.

Whew. Did those years fly by!

Our wedding day began with an early morning storm. As I sat in a chair at the beauty salon, rain gushed down city streets. Wind caused an electrical outage at the location of our reception. For hours. With some creativity, the caterer pulled things together. Minutes before the ceremony began, we discovered my soon-to-be mother-in-law forgot to make the requested communion bread. A couple of small buttered buns were our only option. No little hiccup was going to prevent this wedding from happening.

So much had happened in the months before our wedding. A short eight months earlier, Hubby Rick’s eldest son Nate died as the result of a snowmobiling accident. Emotions remained raw with grief. Yet, this tragedy convinced Rick and I that if something was important to us, we should not wait.

So, we didn’t. Four months after Nate’s death, Rick proposed to me on Easter Sunday. In front of a packed church. Shocked by his proposal would be an understatement.

A few months later, Hubby Rick and I were married in this same small church.

Fifteen months earlier, Rick was present the day I was hired to serve this and a neighboring church as their pastor. As we joined hands and shared vows in front of family and close friends, we began our lives together as husband and wife.

Fast forward 26 years. At the time of our marriage, we were convinced God brought us together. How else would a single gal end up serving a church with an available man? I often say that God has a great sense of humor.

In marriage, I have experienced the truest depth of joy and happiness I have ever experienced. Likewise, I have felt the deepest level of disappointment and sadness because of extenuating circumstances that arose from being married. To experience the greatest joy life can offer, I must accept the grief and sorrow that tags along. Often, these situations are not a direct result of a decision made by Hubby Rick or me. They are what happens when two people choose to marry and spend their lives together.

There have been many days that felt difficult and hard, offset by many wonderful and very special days. I celebrate that I have a partner who loves me. Respects me. Cares for me and honors me.

Each year near the time of our anniversary, I like to reflect upon our relationship. What has worked? What have we found challenging? How might I honor, love and respect my partner and encourage him? What do I value about our relationship?

As I ask myself these questions, I encourage you to ponder them as well. Whether you are in a committed relationship or not, these same questions are valuable for all the important relationships in your life: partner, children, grandchildren, loved ones, and special people in your life. Here are a few lessons that I have learned in 26 years of marriage.

Put the other person first. So often, we question if a person is filling our love bank. “I want more,” we tell ourselves. “I’m not getting enough.”

While this may feel true, the best way to receive something is to be the first to give. Not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to. I WANT my partner to know he is special to me. After my relationship with God, he is the most important relationship to me. I pray he knows this because of the choices I make. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Some days, he is not at the top of the list because something else is more demanding at the moment. And vice versa. Over the long haul, I pray Hubby Rick knows he IS this important to me. Not because I say it but because I live it. Actions speak louder than any words. If I prioritize other “things” over Hubby Rick, he will assume other “things” are more important.

Early in our relationship, Hubby Rick told me that I will always be number one for him, after his relationship with God. Not his kids or other family members. Me. His words made a huge impact on me. Rick lives this daily. I pray I do the same for him.

Journey through the dark and challenging days together. Over the years, we have experienced situations that could have pulled us apart or knitted us together. We do not let situations become more important than our relationship. Often, these situations are not in our control. They affect us personally and as a couple. We choose whether or not we will stay in the same boat and paddle together or if one of us is going to bail.

Years ago, we committed to keep paddling together. Period. Are there times it would have been easier to bail? You bet. Would it be less challenging if we removed some distractions? Absolutely. We remind each other regularly that we are stuck with each other. And we believe it.

There will come a time when we will feel something happened in our lives that we didn’t sign up for. This is true for me as well as for Rick. Each day, we decide if we let challenging things define our marriage or if love, respect, and commitment will. We do not always agree. We try not to let our differences override where we agree. We also are committed to not let distractions get the best of our relationship. Rick doesn’t give up. Neither do I. End of story.

Tell each other the important things. Regularly. Daily. We remind each other daily that we love each other. And we really try to sprinkle other phrases into our conversations as well.

“Thank you.”

“Please.”

“I am sorry.”

“Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.”

“Let’s pray.”

These are the words that keep us rooted in each our and our relationship with God. When I say these words to my husband, I’m reminded of God’s unconditional love for him and me. I am challenged to love Rick the way God longs and desires for us to love each other. Remain in God’s love and remain in each other’s love. This is what John 15 instructs us to do. These words were read at our wedding. I pray we live them throughout our relationship.

Relish the little things. We often focus on life’s big benchmarks. While these events are noteworthy, Hubby Rick and I cherish the normal, every-day things that weave through our lives.

Lunch together. An evening walk. Talking with each other. A moment with a loved one that takes your breath away. These are the moments when we demonstrate over and over how much someone means to us.

While Hubby Rick and I have our own interests, we create space where we connect. This creates memories and special moments that sustain a relationship for the long haul; something every relationship needs.

Saying “I do” to another person is a big step. A huge decision. Couples choose day after day whether they continue to say “I do” to each other every day going forward. Thank you, Hubby Rick, for saying “I do” every day. I pray we have another 26 years together!

Blessings –

Dianne

Dear God – Thank you for bringing Hubby Rick and I together. I pray this little reflection will encourage others to think about the most important relationships in their lives. May we continue to grow, nurture, and value those important relationships daily. Amen.

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram ( Simple Words of Faith and Dianne Deaton Vielhuber)

If you’re walking through grief or supporting someone who is, I invite you to join my free monthly Grief With Grace virtual grief support workshop. Scan the QR code below to learn more and join us.

Dianne’s Upcoming Unraveling Together Book Events:

Sun., Aug. 30 – Blackhawk Bethlehem Church, 9 AM worship, S10174 County Road C, Sauk City, WI

Sun., Aug. 30 – Pages & Parcels National Day of Grief Event, 1-3 PM, 101 N Main St, Potosi, WI