Simple Is Better – Lessons from 25 Years of Marriage

John 15:4: Remain in me, and I will remain in you. A branch can’t produce fruit by itself but must remain in the vine. Likewise, you can’t produce fruit unless you remain in me.

Gratitude Day 955

Twenty-five years. It’s been a bit hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I’ve been married for more than 25 years.

Earlier this week, Hubby Rick and I crossed the threshold of our 25^th wedding anniversary. I admire all you folks that have been/were married for 50+ years. What is more surprising to me is how fast 25 years of marriage seemed to whiz by.

Hubby Rick and I were a bit older when we got married. I was in my 30’s and Rick was in his 40’s. His youngest child had graduated from high school. We’d both been independent for years. We were astutely aware that we didn’t have to get married. We choose to make a lifetime marriage covenant with each other. We dated less than a year. In those months, Rick had gone through the excruciating death of his eldest child. Events like this often bring life quickly into focus. If we were going to make a commitment to each other, we saw little advantage of delaying the choice.

On our wedding day, Hubby Rick and I were acutely aware that we had high expectations for our life together. We expected to feel connected to each other. Daily. We demanded from ourselves more than a lukewarm marriage. We anticipated that our relationship would grow and mature in the very best ways as years together increased. We were going to put the work into our relationship and see the results.

We have been blessed with a great marriage. Yet, we are also very aware that both of us are sinful humans who sometimes do things that might irritate the other person. Some days, we are challenged by things outside of our relationship that affect our connection. Because God created us to be individuals who are unique from each other, we often have different opinions. We see the world through independent lenses which means our perspectives are often unsimilar. Our disagreements are rare and mostly end with little resolution because our differences of opinion are not ever really resolvable.

Over the years, we have been moderated a bit by the other partner. These days, I pray we see our unique abilities as a blessing to our relationship. We each bring something special to our partnership and challenge ourselves to use these gifts for the benefit of our relationship.

As much as we are different, we continue to find a multitude of things we have in common. A desire to keep our lives and marriage rooted in faith. Daily, we seek guidance and wisdom from the Lord who orchestrated for us to meet each other and come together. Our commitment to serve others and God is deeply engrained in our relationship and one we take seriously. We try to model kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, respect and love in how we treat each other. We remember that each is a beloved child of God and how we treat each other is in essence how we treat the Almighty.

All of this works best when we keep ourselves and our relationship connected to the one True Vine; the Almighty that always remains in us. Our challenge is to remain in the God who inspires and encourages us daily.

So what has 25 years of marriage taught me? Honor the days because the years go by quickly. See each day as a new opportunity to honor my spouse and express the love I want him to feel from me. Remember that our challenges and difficulties are best shared with each other and the One who we see at the center of our relationship. When we run out of words to say or am not sure what to do, our next best step is to pray together and lay it at the feet of Jesus. I desire to treat every day with Rick as a gift. A present where we appreciate each day because we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We still have high expectations for our marriage coupled with a dose of reality in knowing our relationship will never be perfect. This doesn’t discourage us but encourages us to continue to learn and grow and discover new things about each other.

On the night before our anniversary, we huddled together, each with a small book in hand. The previous day, I discovered two little books at a coffee shop. Rick held the Do You Know Your Wife? book and I grasped Do You Know Your Husband? book. Even after 25 years, there were still things to learn. Memories to share. Guesses to be made and honestly to prevail.

In the end, shouldn’t these values of marriage be the same values we treat all those important to us with? While important in marriage, they are also imperative in the relationships we value and honor. No two relationships are the same. We simply feel closer to some people than others and chose which of those relationships are most important in any season of life. Yet I pray that I try to treat relationships with the same values as I do my marriage. The basis of one relationship should inspire all of our relationships.

Ultimately, keeping the one True Vine at the center of all our relationships helps us understand, explore and contemplate the valuable relationships in our lives. Even if the other person may not feel this connection to God, we can still observe any relationship through the lens of God. Inspired by this after 25 years of marriage, I continue to reflect upon this daily. I struggle to do this well every day. Nonetheless, I pray this is something God continues to place on my heart. Continuing down this path IS important. For me. For Hubby Rick. For our marriage. For the other important relationships in my life. And for this, I give thanks to God for Hubby Rick and our marriage.

Blessings –

Dianne

P.S. – We’d gladly share those little wife and husband books with any willing couple! Just let me know.

Loving God – Thank you for being the One True Vine that is the branch of life. May we remain connected to You and to those who are so important to us. May You unconditional love for us inspire how we love those we call special in our lives. Amen.

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)

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