Simple Is Better – All the Emotions, All at the Same Time

Zephaniah 3:17 – The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

I grew up in a time when emotions really weren’t talked about or even acknowledged. Sharing your feelings was not so common. Maybe because I am from the Midwest or was raised in a family where these topics were avoided, emotions just weren’t something we spent a lot of time exploring. Generally, I’m not sure there was much recognition of emotions. There wasn’t the research available now or the observation that hiding emotions really isn’t very helpful. The most common emotion I witnessed? Anger. People got mad and upset. Shared what they thought. But beyond this? Not so much.

Maybe this is why I was an emotional kindergartner. Only in adulthood did I discover that it was okay to admit that I had emotions and feelings. I could express them in healthy ways, although I didn’t always do this well. I discovered having compassion and empathy really are okay. They are good gifts to embrace, nurture and share with others.

A number of years ago, I discovered this tool called an emotional wheel. On the wheel, lots of different emotions are registered. The wheel can be used to help people identify what emotion we are feeling at the moment. While we may be expressing anger, what we are actually feeling is fear. Fear of the future. Fear we won’t fit in. Fear we won’t be recognized unless we act out. Another example is hurt. When we say we are hurt, we may actually be feeling disappointment. Disappointment in someone else or ourselves. That something we anticipated actually didn’t happen. Or it happen the way we expected.

Emotions are tricky. Sometimes, we can feel at the top of the mountain one moment and literally the next moment, feel depressed and disappointed. Our emotions can change very quickly, unexpectedly and without any reason. Some people prefer to downplay their emotions. They minimize them and aren’t comfortable sharing them. Other people? We know, see, and observe nearly every emotion they experience in real time. Their emotions come crashing out all at once and in great fanfare. We might even think they are a bit of a drama queen or king.

When it comes to grief, we can experience all different kinds of emotions. And all at one time. We can feel disappointment, hurt, abandonment, anger, fear and a whole bunch of other emotions simultaneously. They are so jumbled that we often don’t know where one emotion ends and another begins. When there are so many at one time and layered one right on top of the other, they can feel terribly overwhelming.

Most people have a difficult time processing one emotion. Throw in a whole bunch? It’s common for people to simply shut-down, tune out and want to cover up every emotion they are feeling. Because, well, it’s simply too much. How do we manage all these conflicting emotions?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to emotions. Nor should there be. Stuffing and hiding them isn’t super helpful. We really need to discover some way to honor and except them without letting them take over our lives.

I don’t have all the right answers for how to navigate this. Let me share just a couple ideas:

• Learn to say, “Hello” to your emotions. Acknowledge them. Let them know you see and hear them. Be okay with them being present. Assure them they can hang around as long as they like. Just giving them some recognition can be super helpful.

• While they may be coming at you fast and furious, learn to deal with them one at a time. We can’t deal with all those emotions simultaneously even though they demand and beg for our attention. Pick one. Sit with it. Honor it. Take a little action with it. Let the others wait. They will get their time later.

• Discover a way to slowly let them go. Sometimes it’s a physical release. Other times, writing about them or sharing your challenges with another person will help you let them go. Yes, your emotions need to be heard. So give them space. You might be amazed how quickly you can work through them when you deal with them one at a time.

• Praise yourself for doing the hard work of working through them. Too often, we don’t celebrate the good that we do. We’re on to the next thing. If only with yourself, honor and treasure everything that you do.

• Remember that God has emotions too. A whole bunch of them. Because we are created in God’s image, our emotions trace back to God’s emotions. I deeply believe that God wants to journey with us as we navigate our emotions. Take God along for the journey. Let God be your guide. There is no emotion that you will have that God has not already experienced.

Emotions do not magically disappear. Nope, they linger around, waiting to pounce into our lives at just the wrong time. They just want some space in our lives. So, give it to them. Let all the emotions know they are being seen and heard. Simultaneously. Yes, they are overwhelming, loud, and demanding. Let them be. And then, allow yourself time and space to truly honor them.

Blessings –

Dianne

Holy God – thank you for the reminder that You have emotions as well. Help me embrace all of my emotions and not to be afraid of them; especially when they seem to come crashing in all at once. Give me guidance and courage to explore them and discover something new about You and me. Amen.

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)

Dianne’s Upcoming Unraveling Together Book Events:

Sat., July 25 – Main Street Books Event, Reedsburg, WI, 1-3 PM