Simple Is Better – Who’s In Your Tribe? Supporting Those who start you

1 Thessalonians 5:11: Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

I consider myself a very fortunate person. I have a variety of friends. People I can lean upon when a day is difficult. Hard. When I’m feeling beat up and just need a cheerleader.

I call them my tribe. People who will listen. Give advice if appropriate. Encourage me. Be there for me. These are my people. My tribe.

Sometimes, we just need a friend. Someone who will listen, hold our hand. Be present with us. We are designed to be in relationship with other people. We all need a tribe, whether we willingly admit it or not.

Tribes are especially important when we are going through grief. It’s easy to get into our head and try to convince ourselves that we can do it alone. We don’t want to bother someone else. We can will ourselves through a hard time.

Most often, willpower isn’t enough. We need someone who will show up, shut up and be present with us. Period.

As I chat with people about grief, I’m discovering how important this concept of a tribe is. And how often do we discount the value of a tribe? Whether you are in the middle of a challenging time right now or not, considering how we view our tribe is super important. As my friend Ann says, know who your tribe people are BEFORE you need them. She says that she knows who will be there for her in three days, three weeks and three months. We all need to follow Ann’s example and know who those people are for us.

What are some helpful thoughts about tribes? Glad you asked. Here are some of my thoughts. Let’s go.

• Tribe people may or may not be those people who you dearly love and are so important to you. Yes, you want to always have a relationship with these people. But sometimes, they may not be the best person to support you in the moment. They have their own lives. They may not really understand what you are going through. They can’t understand your feelings. Keep a relationship with these people but find people who might understand your situation a bit more. Lean on them for more support on difficult days.

• Tribes don’t have to be big. Just a couple people can make a huge difference.

• You can lean on different tribe people at various times. When I need a person to listen to me about a particular topic, I pick the person who I feel will be most empathetic in this situation. Sometimes I get it wrong but most often, I know who might resonate with this situation more. You don’t have to treat all your tribe people the same. In fact, I think having people for different concerns helps prevent one person from feeling overwhelmed.

• While many of my tribe people have been involved in my life for a long time, I have also discovered new friendships based on a particular need at a specific time in my life. Maybe there is a person you don’t know as well who can relate to you more at this time in your life. Welcome them into your tribe.

• Tribe people don’t have to be there every day. Or every week. They are there when YOU need them. The great thing about tribe people are you can pick up with them right where you left off. It’s wonderful.

• Tribe people understand that words aren’t always necessary. One of my favorite sayings these days is this: show up and shut up. It’s that simple and that hard.

Tribes are important for us. We need people who will show up for us in the drop of a hat. Likewise, it’s just as important for us to be tribe people to someone else. If you want great tribe people in your life, begin by being an understanding and support tribe person to someone else.

Nurturing these relationships can be difficult, even more so for guys. But they are so worth it. Life is hard. Difficult. Surround yourself with a couple of important tribe people in your life. You’ll be happy that you did.

Holy God – Thank you for the important people in my life. May I be clear about who the tribe people I need right now. For those who are willing to support and encourage me. May I be a strong tribe person to someone else as well. Amen.

Blessings –

Dianne

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook and Instagram (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith.)

Upcoming Unraveling Together: Sharing the Threads of Grief Presentations:

Sun., April 19 – Emanuel Church, Baraboo, WI – message during the 8 AM and 10:30 AM worship services